internkira : Prompt- I see that you also dressed as a large rubber duck. We are the worst bank robbers ever

thatonepluckygirl:

(Super short and super random. I tried to shove as many awkward lines in as I could muster. I hope you don’t mind that its Dragon Age. You didn’t specify, so I just threw something out there. Enjoy!)

———

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Isabela ground her heel into the concrete, jaw locked in a snarl. How could this have happened? They had back up plans for back up plans, a winding list of plots that filled two notebooks and six chalkboards. Every little detail had been primed and prepared, laid out like works of art. It had been so simple. All they had to do was show up at the banking firm’s Halloween party, act as strangers to dissuade suspicion, and slip out with a few million dollars in cold, hard cash. A pair of nugs could have pulled it off. Hell, two blind genlocks with a fear of banking firms could have pulled it off. They were Zevran and Isabela, Thedas’s premier thieving duo…and they were both dressed as large rubber ducks. Large, slutty rubber ducks. Which matching red fishnet. And bags that looked like Ernie from Sesame Street.  

It was a tragedy.

“Don’t blame me! We should have coordinated…er, uncoordinated.” He adjusted his sleeve and pitched back on his heels, chest puffed out like an incredibly awkward bird. “You were supposed to handle these sort of things. My job was the big stuff. You know, like breaking into the safe and-“Isabela stepped forward, eyes burning with the fire of ten thousand baby mages. She took hold of Zevran’s arm, wrenching him close. Her breath tickled his face and he swallowed; what was she doing? A grin cracked across Isabela’s face like a fisher in the earth, her grip tightening on the elf’s arm.  

You can’t even pick locks,” She hissed, shoving away from her partner and turning toward the firm. Behind her, Zevran gasped. He clutched at his chest, leaning over as if he might faint. “How could you say such a thing?” He said, earning nothing but a snort. She grabbed the front door, looking back once it opened and the warm party air washed over her. Fluorescent lighting cast shadows on her face, wide grin but a smudge in all the darkness. “I don’t shy away from the truth, love.”

Something inside Zevran shifted. Isabela’s words pried open the lock on his heart (which he’d had insufficient skill to open himself), sending him bolting across the road. Within seconds, he’d flung himself upon Isabela like a Templar to lyrium. She buckled beneath the unexpected weight, one heel snapping as she crashed to the earth. There they wrestled, grabbing at the cheap Halloween store fabric and flinging insults at one another. “You’re the worst captain I’ve ever seen!” “Oh, so great to hear that coming from you, Mr. Assassin-who-failed-his-mission.” “Well, at least I don’t steal holy artifacts!” “Shut up, you totally would.” “Well, yes alright but-“

A pair of strong hands wrenched them apart, freckled fingers knotted up in their ridiculous costumes. They continued to swat at each other, more like wet cats than infamous burglars.

———

Thirty minutes later, locked in the back of a police car, Zevran chuckled. The lump on the side of his head grew with every moment and his lip was swollen, but he laughed anyway. Isabela quirked a brow at him, ignoring the pain in her back and the puffiness of her eye. She watched in silence for a while before the unspoken joke claimed her too. They cracked up together, hands cuffed behind their backs and facing imminent incarceration. Isabela looked to her old friend, licking up the blood from her cracked lip.

“We are the worst bank robbers ever,” She said, shaking her head and falling back into the joke. Zevran pressed his head to her shoulder, cuddling up close despite the strain in his arms. “Yes, we are,” He whispered. “We truly are, my friend…but at least I didn’t try and flirt with the officer.”

“What can I say? I like gingers.”

dragonageconfessions:

Confession: I liked DA2. There _were_ some annoying factors, and I didn’t care for the way Bioware responded to some of the player’s complaints, but I did enjoy the game and have replayed it multiple times.

dragonageconfessions:

Confession: I liked DA2. There _were_ some annoying factors, and I didn’t care for the way Bioware responded to some of the player’s complaints, but I did enjoy the game and have replayed it multiple times.

my-tardis-sense-is-tingling:

mrs. incredible was all about the real talk and i respect that because she knew that talking down to her kids wasn’t going to help anyone at this point they had to know what’s up if everybody was going to make it out alive this is no time for sugarcoating motherfuckers it’s go time

(Source: cindymayweather, via superpotteravenger)

durinsickness:

pissed off and angry templar lady

durinsickness:

pissed off and angry templar lady

(via arnodorito)

vanconcastiel:

8-bitpixelgay:

trusting-the-disgusting:

concertotodick:

This is absolutely fantastic.

Marvellous

I feel these would be the same people to try and straighten an outlet with a fork. This is why natural selection isn’t fast enough…

The American education system

(Source: iraffiruse, via superpotteravenger)

a-singer-of-songs:

kiwibutt:

moopdrea:

oscarwildeis-dead:

Allow me to introduce you to the Red-eyed Crocodile Skink. 
Since these guys were recently discovered (mid to late nineties), there isn’t a whole lot that is known about them, but I’ll share a few facts with you here. 

  • These guys can grow up to ten inches in length, though the average is more like seven.
  • They’re pretty shy and choose to play dead as their defense mechanism. 
  • Other than geckos, these guys are one of the only lizards that vocalize. Their sound is described as a barking noise when they’re in distress
  • Average lifespan is listed at around 6 years 

DRAGONS

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resistance was futile

Update: YOU CAN HAVE ONE AS A PET.

(Source: pumpkin-quing, via superpotteravenger)

sunfl0werpetal:

natnovna:

"obama is fuckin up"

true 

"should have voted for the other guy"

FALSE 

how about "the government is fucking up and obama is nothing more but a figure head to take the heat of all the congress’s dumbass decisions" The president isnt a dictator. he doesnt get to choose 100000000% by himself what happens to this country, hence the term democracy.

(via superpotteravenger)

shubbabang:

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i refuse

(via superpotteravenger)

skyghost:

shinymarshmallon:

pharaoh out

3000 years late to his own funeral

skyghost:

shinymarshmallon:

pharaoh out

3000 years late to his own funeral

(Source: spookymarshmallon, via arnodorito)